hmm

a little over a month to go... soon to be 19... haha... the past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me... yeah.. been thru it all... but i gotta agree with BSCube that i have given too much to back off... i have put my all in everything i do... and i guess... no i know that this is no diff... i will take the advice of the asses... i mean... i know they are right... i gotta go for it... i will... i am who i am... i love being me... no one else can even come close to understanding me... if you think you know me like how my bro's do... you gotta another thing coming... i am going for it... BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL.... God bless... shalom...

stupid.. so damn stupid... why am i so GOD DAMN STUPID... arg... maybe... just maybe... i can stop it... nip it in the bud?? bud?? what bud??? haha... its in full bloom... hoping for a rose but all i am getting is the thorns... haha...

pain

very short post... to feel pain is good... it means you are alive and wou will make it through...
pain... is what separates reality and fantasy...
pain is what keeps me real..
pain is what keeps me cool
pain is what keeps me calm
pain is what keeps me collected...
pain is what personifies me...
its who i am...
its who i will always be...
pain is a constant reminder...
to keep my distance...
i love pain...

Painful Past rears its Ugly HEAD

hmm... this post is a reminecense of the stupid life i had back in sec school... something happened recently which many only could have seen in my sec school life... i thought i had put it behind me... but...
it has something to do with obsession... really... there was this girl that i was obsessing over in sec 1... it lasted 3 damn years... yeah it did... but you see... nearing the end of sec 1 she got attached... to my best freind no less... it hurt... but i din stop... during that time... i lost my best friend... to a damn obsession... FUCK... karma has a way of turning things around... haha... thats why i always try to keep my feelings under wraps... substitute my feelings with over confidence... haha.. but i got over it... ironically it was through i speech i gave to the school... in sec 4... we had a competition... it was called PESA... Plain English Speaking Awards... 2 phases of competition... a preplanned speech first and the an impromtu one... so the preplanned speech could have been any topic i wanted.. anything... i could not decide... so my teacher picked for me... she picked obsession... yeah... that speech made me realize what a fool i had been... Obsession... as defined by the merriam-webster dictionary is a persistant disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonble idea or feeling... but thats not it... not only this... the impromtu speech for everyone... was... TRUST...
i thought.. wow... this feels wierd.. granted i did not win the competition... i gained something i never thought i could... an understanding... i guess i thought i understood myself... staying away helped me cope with who i am... but suddenly things changed...
lotsa girls thought i was not good enough to be their friend... i was left out of a lot of things... in MI... i was accepted... and i was happy... i AM happy... but i made sure it did not go out of hand... as i said i stayed away... but then... nothing could have prepared me for the freinds i made in SC... the people... who accpeted me the most.. the people i regarded as family... but.. i got burned.. once.. now twice.. one person i thought i was close with ... was not... i was exploited.... haiz... i realized thing never change... but i still kept the obsession at bay... then... i met this girl... wow... she treated better than anyone has in years... i... i was happy... yeah... then when she had problem... i went overboard... i did... overeacted.. got obsessed... BUT.. she... she told me... that i was being overly concerned... that it freaked her out... i realise i had gone back to who i was... so stupid... i am so stupid... haiz...at the same time... an issue on trust came about... flashback ain't it...
i really don' want to lose her friendship over this matted... no i don't... and definitely not her trust... i had a hard lesson before and it destroyed a relationship with my close friend... i definitely dun want that now... not anymore... so... i have to say this... now...
I AM SORRY... I REALLY AM... Please... Believe Me...

TRUST

Trust, earned or lost
Do you have it from the beginning
Do you earn it
Does it take long
I think trust in earned and lost
It must never be questioned
For questioning trust is questioning your friend
If you have to question your friend did you ever really trust them to begin with
If trust is lost, will you ever get it back
Will you ever be close to that person again
Will you ever hear their secrets
How will it ever be the same
They might not ever fully trust you
I know how this feels
I have lost people’s trust many a time before
Why on earth don’t they trust me
I wish they did but I understand

Jake Gassiot: Trust

... Torn ...

Another day passes by,
without word that you're alright...
been kinda worried for you...
i just wished you would just reply me too...
2 days it has been...
much has yet to be seen...
i do hope you this thought...
and strengthen this friendship we have wrought..
haiz...

Thats just something that came to my mind... hmm... tried calling her... never answered... kinda sad... dunno what to do... i just hope you're ok... if you do see this.. i hope you understand... i need to know that you're alright... so call me as soon as you can...

PARANOIA

Hey... well... the title sayz it all... why... hmm... the old fear resurfaces... many people wonder why a guy so confident can get all clammed up... well i dunno myself... i am losing it... these few days... haiz... my thots... all about her... seriously... i guess... oh i dunno... sucks man... big reason why i stayed away from relations... far away... shit happens... this paranoia is not baseless... for those who dunno... whenever i have tried being close to someone... the person will suddenly distance themselves... very far away... so i... dunno what to do... people say that my exuberent confidence gives them confidence... but now... hmm... happy go lucky... ??? haiz...

Confused...

Please... let this go thru...

i hope...

we dun distance ourselves...

gone...

Ok... man.. i have been so tired these past few day... the shops newly opened... i gotta orientation stuff. to do... man.. barely getting enough sleep... let alone time too have fun.. well today was another day of painting... at least i am doing it with people i like... god can you imagine doing it with people you hate... arg... any way... so me nadia z. cheryl and siti did some major painting in 3 1/2 hours... plus the boxes for the sc den had also arrived.. we are still waiting on the bartley stuff... the blazers are here too... woohoo... hope everything falls into place.... the girls gonna go shopping for cupboards soon... woohoo... oh yeah... i spilled a Sh*t Load of paint today... haha... it fell on my foot(OW!!!) and spilled.. me and cher took a LONG while to clean it... even with thinner... well.. at least did all our jobs... oh yeah... backtraking... today... i reached bb mrt at 1115... so i saw 157 and was sorta joggin for it... but voila... would'nt you know it cher got of the bus... coincidence... hmm... well we had lunch at pastamania... she had manarina and me beef bologneese... both linguini... hmm... well after painting... i accompanied cher to tpy... she had to go popular.. on the way in the bus we were laughing at shu jians antics... hilarious... haha... haha... well she went pop and got a book for her bro... well... after that we parted... i went home to the shop... haha... did some work and went up... tired... so damn tired... i am gonna hit the sack early i guess... wait no... i got bad boyz 2 tonight... man... alritght... i am signing off... see ya peepz...

been very long

hey guys... its been so long since i last posted... so lets get back on track... yesterday it was larence and nilams birthday... anyway i was out with larence, ks, huiting, cheryl, and jo... well... would you believe it...we went to k box at cine... really we did... and cher and jo have never been to k box before... haha... had a shit load of fun... especially when singing with jo and cher... haha... damn funny... well what to to... its not too often you get to hang with those guys... we did take neoprints... damn funny... the backing was green so i looked as if i din have arms in the video screen but it turned out ok in the end... haha... after that was a little shopping... not by the guys but the girls (as UsUaL) haha... cher bought ANOTHER bag for SJ... haha... how many bags does a guy need... we took a walkt over to dhoby after that cuase there was a disruption.... there we parted with cher and jo who had plans with their families... the rest if us went to vivo... we saw andy there... we were at the arcade... we watched larence dance para para... not bad... after that we played a game of air hockey... me and lar against ks and ht... we won by a mile.. haha... then we headed to compass point... yeah... to meet meiling who was having break from work.... then we ate ice cream waffle... then we headed home... and i helped me parents at the shop again... todays the 3rd day of opening... pretty kool... any how i will be a little more consistant soon... peace ot guys...

wow

uhm... what do i say... ok kinda wierd... i like totally forgot that i had econs today... well... anyway... i remembered that i had it in the end... so yeah... it was hard... but i had some help... well i guess you could call it help... haiz.. it almost over... another melodramatic day goes by... another day that i wish i could have done more useful things... things that i might feel good about... lets hope tomorrow does not turn out the same... everyday passes you by without a care in the world... only a single moment would do... for you to say... " i forgive you"

why

hey guyz.... its been a while... well... lotsa things have happened... and well... not many things are favourable... well... i lost a friend... a close one at that... all because of teachers day... funny huh... how things can twist in the last second... i had conveniently been someones scapegoat... well... i guess... i only have myself to blame... i should have put in more effort... not that i was'nt don't get me wrong... well... what i am trying to say is that... maybe... i should not have promised something... if i am not sure i can deliver it... although... the case has only partial invlovement... i mean... i have done everything in my power... everything... but... eventhough... i try to please everyone... it does.nt work out... how do i say i'm sorry? when... i dun even know what i have done.... i guess sometimes i am trying too hard... and well... i guess the strain... has finally taken over... what else can i say... i'm sorry... bridget...

uhm... next... well exams.... and yeah... they are'nt too bad... though i wish it was'nt so stressful... its been more stressful than O levels... god... well the heaviest papers are out of the way.... just 3 days to go and i am done... 3 days... hope i can do well... i really can't afford to do any worse... well... many of my friends have resigned to an army fate next year... well... i hope that does'nt happen... well... that would mean... i might get a change of classes again... i hope that dun happen either... haiz...

on to further news.... Mr Dumbass has struck again... trying to be mr goodie two shoes and gets shot in the foot instead... haha... Mr dumbass... (i assume you guys already know who he is... for those who don't, well... good for you) he has tried to get a few people.. no infact alot of people in trouble... well... his plan backfired when i overheard the conversation... all i did was spread the word... well... no one got caught as many managed to rejoin P.E. in time... after that... we went for a run outside of school... Mr dumbass... took a bus... and HE GOT BUSTED... hahah Booya...well... after P.E. he came to confront me... and left with his tail between his legs... then he began tagging trashing me... Mammoth hide.. plz... try something people have not already tried... being dumb is fine... but dun go run your mouth off... it just gets people really annoyed and pissed ...

Well... i dun got much left to say... so i'll leave it at that...

THIS IS TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so god damned pissed... With the SC's... With PW... With My Infocomm PEEPZ......... god.... Whats the Point of being the IC or chairman but no one listens to the intructions you give... People... i try not to shout or raise my voice... and i am reaching the limit... These people... they are threading on thin ice.... and i dun get pissed that easily... but this is the first time... FIRST TIME... i am getting so pissed in MI... Cant i get a break... cant you guys give me some sorta break... Not meeting deadlines... not putting in effort... not being punctual... god... I know you guys got homework exams... dun you think i have them too.... i mean... you think i am GOD??? i can only do so manythings... and... well... is it fair... i have done so many things for you guys... stuff which i expected you guys to do... dead lines...
haiz... I think... i really think... i have given you guys too much face... you guys are walking all over me... do not... i say DO NOT TAKE KINDNESS AS WEAKNES!!!!! i swear... one more time... i dunno what i am going to do... dun make me resort to drastic measures... just listen to me... Do what i tell you... respect me... so that it gives me a reason to respect you... For all those you have been doing what i tell you... thank you and sorry for this rant...

Haiz... Rant Over... work to do... pw... gotta do a NEW EOM... mhmm.. gotta change our GPP...
i dunno what to do... i... really dunno... What to do... haiz... i need counselling... hmm...

Been a while

hey guys... been very long since i last posted... but... well... back to school... exams over... teachers day nearer... so many things to do... am i going to hack it.... well i better.... i mean... i dun... who will... well results... haiz... not good.... econs... E... i got a f-ing E for econs... i dropped 23 marks... haiz... gp... was worse than expected... worse still... the marker whoever the person is.... never corrected our mistakes... now... how am i supposed to know where i went wrong... i need to buck up.... mother tongue... haha... what what am i to do.... hmm... well ... physics still a B... need to get a higher grade... and maths... will be maths... no questions there... i really need to get gp out of the way... i cant freaking afford to fail... haha... oh... i gotta do duty roster... AVA... apparently the teachers in the office has started to take notice... arg... why cant they mind their own business.... hmm..... well see ya later....

hey peepz.... its been very long since i last posted.... been bz... exams yeah... i have time now... cuz well... i am watching soccer... yeah...

life is getting difficult... seriously... too many things on my mind.... just too manythings.... maybe i am thinking too much... maybe not... feel like shit... no idea why.... hmm.... how i wish.... i could just rewind my life... but well... i gotta live with this...

exams... god... so many things to study... ever get the feeling that we have just too much... too much to study?? i am getting a little sick of school... just a little... actually very sick... i got so many responsibilties... and the holidays din seem to ease the pressure... or maybe its just me... or maybe i am being too hard on myself... hmm....

school... what do i go to school for... i dunno... i do well.. but gp still an uncertainty... mt... huh... when will b syllabus come.... econs... not easy... many things to learn... so many things... well... shit happens... thats why i came to mi anyway... hmm... if only... eng.... O... if only... haiz... well... f it...

i dunno... i need some rest... feel a little queasy... or maybe i am imagining it... i dunno... i really dunno...

yo

well yesterday i had a great time... well i met justin shaiful zad and jacky and we were at sentosa... we were there to watch the beach soccer. well before that we were swimming... and burying shaiful... haha... he literally could feel the weight on his body... then we justin and shaiful went to swim across to the other island at tanjong beach... haha... shaiful was panting when he reached there... haha... well after that we watched soccer while zad went back... unbelievably, singapore won... we beat brasil?? i din know what to say... it was a good game... then we went to town... jacky went to meet his friends... we ful and jus ate subway... we were waiting for chris at youth park... after which just left... we slacked at long john... then went to play pool... then we went back... by the time we left it was about... 2.30 am... haha... what a day... has been a long time since i was out this late... hmm... well... i hope we can do this more often...

yo peepz

Hey guys... i know my postings irregular so sorry bout any inconveniences caused.... well basically i am kinda lagging behind in ma studies... got a tonne of responsibility... some i think i could do without... well the lagging behind is in physics and econs... i am getting a little scared myself... i have GOT TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER... i really mean that but then... its easier said than done... i oughta know... cuz i tried... maybe i din try hard enuff.... but then again... who ever does... maybe... just maybe, thats why i'm in MI...but what the heck... i like it here... i got peepz who accept me for who i am... i cant say the same back in the secondary school days now can i... those who knew me back then know what i'm talking about... those who don't.. well i guess its better that way... right now... i know i have peepz that i can count on... although... there still seem to be some thorns in the butt.. i shall not say names... i think you know who you are... trust me.... there are'nt many people who can piss me off.... those who do... well may gods grace be upon them... i think i've digressed enough... well... back to the topic at hand... i have missed quite a bit of lectures already... its really bad... cuz now i know nuts... and that coming from a once top physics student is bad... trust me... i know i can catch up... but i think i a not putting in the effort that i need to... I need some form of motivation.... something that will get me to study... something... and i hope it comes before i cross the point of no return... econs i think i will catch up cuz i got someone who will study with me... so yeah... i am not too scared about econs.. but physics... everyone that i know.. hate the subject... am i the only doofus that likes it... i dunno... and seriously i dun care... anyhow... i dun have some of my notes.. even though laura has been diligently taking them for me... hmm i wonder where they could have gone... arg... this is bad...my GP is not getting any better too... man... what am i to do... is JC/CI life for me... am i fit to take the A-levels... i dunno... i need answers... i need advice... i cant just blindly do this anymore... that stage of life has come and pass... i need to go looking for answers... i must... its the only option i've got... i have got to get my priorities right... i've got too.... got too... need too.... i will...

today for some reason i am posting a lyrics... maybe its to console a friend.. maybe 2... this is no time for pinning blame... no time to shed tears... what has happened... happened... nothing anyone says can change that... nothing any one does can reverse it... a relationship... something that requires 2... sometimes more... it happens... nothing can change reality... leaving is hard... but... whats the point if bitter words are exchanged... GIRL.... Dun be sad that its over... Be happy that it happened... GUY... its your call mate... but leave the harsh feelings behind... its not worth it... not after its already been done...

Tell Me Why It Ain't Easy : C21

Don’t you know that I´m lost
I took it for granted too long
I´ve been trying now it´s gone
How could we live on a lie
I can see you wanna be strong
Just let it go
Don’t you see somehow we were blind

When I look in your eyes
I don’t know what´s right
But all we have is now

Tell me why it ain´t easy
When you know that I still believe it
Just look around can´t you see
We just need to find a way to forgive
So tell me why it ain´t easy
When you know
You’re the only one who lives in my heart

I don’t know if I´m wrong
I´ve been looking back
Maybe I´m not that strong
Enough to love you like that
I believe somehow in your heart you know
I could never be the one who`s letting you go´

Cuz when I see you cry
I don’t know what´s right
But all we have is now

Tell me……………..
Why can´t you see it doesn´t matter how we get there
We`re just a second away from where we wanna be
I still believe that you`ll find the answer
Just look around and I know you`ll find the way

invested

yo peepz... well finally invested... cant believe it man... the pics are up so like take a look yeah... man.. i love it... well.. investiture rehearsals basically sucked as we could'nt do what we wanted to... but what the heck... it turned out great anyway... i still find heiriarchy bull shit but its not in my place to say anything... i have to say we really bonded with our bartley counter parts... at least for me anyway... well the investiture coud have been better but what the heck it still turned out great.. my dad was there... haha... nothing to say bout that though.. we basically had fun... till we learned that we had to clean up!!! but its cool at least we all did it together... so it was kinda quick... was supposed to go out wid JO... but she was not feeling well so she went home... i went out wid KS, Larr, bryan, tessa, amala, meiling and huiting... 4 toh tuck guys wid 4 bartley girls... haha... we went out... ate and played truth... interesting stuff revealed but i am not in a position to say anything bout this... so yeah... basically i enjoyed myself... should have taken more pics though... haha... well till next time...

hey peeps

hey people... sorry for posting for so long... well i have been busy.. hols was a clockwork lifestyle and although i like what i did... it was not good... yeah i mean... going out everyday like clockwork?? thats gotta be cuckoo... yeah so orientation was a success... but as usual... improvements can and probably will be made next time around.... yeah... Fun Day was Fun... i got to be the emcee again... well other than the wood chopping with parangs... everything else turned out ok.... the firs lasted though the lighting ceremony was a little cocked up... but what the heck.... at least the wood we had burned... yeah... well next week is COMMON TEST.... God... i finally STARTED studying and i realise how much i really dun know.... god... i gotta cut the slack and pick up the pace or i will be left behind... and me behind cannot happen... no way... pride over life man.... [its a figure of speech dun assume otherwise] so yeah... econs is fairly gd i guess although i would benefit from memorising a little... on the whole i am prepares [i think, ok no] but i guess things could be worse [no they could not]... Gp... Hmmm what the hell am i gonna do about GP.... i cant fail i mean... i need to do well... i have one gone cased subject and i am not about to let another join it... [ seriously... tamil and me dun mix... intrigueing] yeah soi have to put in effort...[thats more effort] ... so right now, i am [unbelievably] off to study... guess i'll post more later on.... [not likely though] so ciao for now [actually for today]...

well well... feeling sick.. cold... but finally and i mean finally NTU is over... well not exactly over.... i'll update... first the ntu challenge... well... over presentation went well... in fact we were the best in our group of 6 jc/ci which includes VJC HCI ACJC SRJC YJC... the presentation will be shown to the school at the appropriate time.... the second day was the booth... asn our booth was the most hands on and feasable idea.... with our experiments and such.. good as well... but in the end we did not win.... why... thank the judging system... well... there are 18 judges split into 3 groups... each group would only inspect 6 jc... also there was no moderation... so if our judges gave us point without looking at the others and then the other judges gave points higher... how is it supposedly fair??? anyhow... we din fret... too much... we were the only school to get sponsorship... well... impressively...while the guest of honour went around....they took a look at our booth and idea... the were amazed at our practicality but shacked that we din get a prize... so we were given a research sponsorship which means.... we get to patent our product.... we like the idea... so we would probably on a less frequent basis join NTU to research further... haha.. me like... i have no idea what else to sa... other that i am getting sicker.... and my brain is dead...

Woo Hoo....

Today was such a memorable day... i will never ever forget it... It started at mid night... Flooded on msn... swamped on my phone till it jammed... thank you every one... i dunno what to say... you guys rock ma world... Shaiful... nani... salleh... Naz... Kenneth lai/koh... so many more... haha... felt so happy.... morning i got up... went to clare's place to finish up work... after that... i met shawn gwen syarif... and the badminton peeps... some of them... julie ronald yong jie... lioness peng yong... ronnie... wow... we went for seasons greeting to evans place... there i asked where salman and bert were... evan say they went out to get something... so we were having fun in evans house la... the badminton peeps ate first... me shawn gwen and syarif waited for salman and bert... when they came they had something in their hand.... i heard salman and bert went to 3 diff places to get it... i was so go damned shocked... then there was the cake cutting... OH MY FREAKING GOD.... i was so god damn shocked... BLACK FOREST CAKE... arg... i love you guys man... you guys rule... even though i got cake smashed in ma face... GOD... salman you rule... shawn you rule... bert you rule... gwen... haha... what can i say... man... unbelievable... i was so freaking happy and pai seh at the same time... the last time i had cake cutting was years ago... and BLACK forest.... racist ah?? ahhahaa... you rule....you all do... i am so glad to haveyou guys as ma BROS.... peace out guys... Oh yeah... I heart nani ellen... hahahahhahahahahahahaha....

babe.......

Hey... seems like thing are settleing down... po... i am happy for you... yeah.. Now seems like i got chance... ;) [cheeky grin]... haha... anyhow... things are getting busier by the second... the good news is that it will end soon... very soon... gotta work overtime... Its a thankless job but someone's gotta do it... yeah... back breaking work.... mind numbing work... on top of that... gotta redo stuff.... man... i am gonna plain black out on of these days... no not literally... more like blank out... and stare into space... well welcome to my life... but dun worry people... i'll get through this things as i have done in the past... the master of improvision will never be downed so easily... haha... as much as i like improvising... i still gotta work to schedule... in fact i gotta get a schedule... dead lines approaching... good thing most of the stuff is done... i was actually planning to rant... but thing took a turn for the better... so i decided not to rant...yeah... well.. thats all i gotta say now...

This world, this world is cold
But you don’t, you don’t have to go
You’re feeling sad you’re feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
You’re mother’s gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bare
But we all bleed the same way as you do
We all have the same things to go thru

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Your days you say they’re way too long
And your nights you can’t sleep at all (hold on)
And you’re not sure what you’re looking for
But you don’t want to no more
And you’re not sure what you’re waiting for
But you don’t want to no more
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know
Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over...hold on


What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you’re doing to me?
Go ahead...what are you waiting for?

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know
Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over...
Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know...
hold on...

I just like this song... its something that i have to keep in mind... days are long and hard... a tonne of stuff... only my shoulders to hold it up....i know it will get better... stuff just get a little hard to handle... sometimes hard to comprehend... life just aint easy anymore... not that i expected it to be... i cant help it if stuff happen... i just hope to get through it all... And Wei Yew thanks man for the concern... i'll get through it.... Happy Chinese new year to all...

babe...

I was looking for a healing song and i think this is the best i could find... yeah.. sometimes things just don't go the way you want it too... it happens... sometimes more often than not.. well we gotta learn to pick ourselves up again... i changed my life cuz i tried over and over... i am sure the mentality would help... and if someone ever needs a shoulder to cry on... there is always a big one here... a listening ear... big too... a gentle heart... someone you can rely on... that person will always be here... so cheer up... Keep your face to the sun... and god will take care of the shadows... and remember... everyone goes through some type of problems... the best we can do is to move on... remember... SMILE...

[TRY AGAIN: WESTLIFE]

Hush now don't you cry
There will be a better day
I promise you
We can work it out
But only if you let me know
What's on your mind

Baby, you thought it was forever
Through any kind of weather

But some day you will find what you're searching for

Try again
Never stop believing
Try again
Don't give up on your love
Stumble and fall
Is the heart of it all
When you fall down (down)
Just try again

Smile now, let it go
Hey, you will never be alone
I promise you
If you can't fight the feeling (Oh yeah)
Surrender in your heart

Remember love will set you free

Baby, you thought it was forever
You would always be together
But someday you will find what you're searching for

Try again
Never stop believing
Try again
Don't give up on your love
Stumble and fall
Is the heart of it all
When you fall down (down)
Just try again

Baby, when a heart is crying
Its sometimes feels like dying
The tear drops fall like rain

Baby, you thought it was forever
You would always be together
But someday you will find what you're searching for

Try again (ooh yeah)
Never stop believing (oh no)
Try again
Don't give up on your love
(Dont' give up on your love baby)

Try again
(just try again)
Never stop believing
Try again
Don't give up on your love

Stumble and fall
Is the heart of it all

When you fall down
Just try again

GOD

Its been longer still since i met you...
where have you been ...
its been all too long...
all too long since i've seen..
you lovely gaze..
leaves me amazed...
you lovely touch..
i miss so much...

Damn... its been another long long day... so long that i did not even get a chance to see her... i haven seen her for more than a week... previously we had the chance to see each other at least 3 times a week... now... its less than one... we hardly talk... we hardly laugh... we hardly even say good bye... today was more or less fruitful... we did at least half of what we need to do... for NTU... Council wise we did some of the logistics... we need to get it done asap... tomorrow is chinese new year... we need to do the AV stuff too.... haiz... so so much to do... so little time... and i do hope i get to see her tomorrow... And CY YOU ROCK MA WORLD BABY.... and now... i silently leave

skq

oh man... i am just plain tired... beat... and pissed... i gotta think of games for orientation... we gotta rush the proposal.. and well i feel like a piece of crap... and given the fact that rumours flying around that i dun pull my weight in worl around... so wtf... i dun give a shit damn pieces of shit... i mean... If you follow me around and see what i do... you'd think i'd gone mad... going to the library to get the damn research... EVERYDAY... i mean if you don't know what the shit you are talking about... then SHUT THE HELL UP... seriously... is i got no game... i would'nt have joined up... try living my life... maybe you can work it out better than i can... like i aint got enough stuff to deal with... you dump more stuff at me last minute... so what ya expect me to do... shut up and follow intructions?? to hell man... you gotta cut me some slack... if you think i am not doing enough tell it to ma face... dun talk behind the back... tell me and i will try harder... are you guys old enough and you want to talk behind the back... how old are you Kindergarteners?? so tell it to ma face or buzz cuz no one is gonna push me around without any FACTUAL backing...

HOW beautiful, how beautiful you streamed upon my sight,
In glory and in grandeur, as a gorgeous sunset-light!
How softly, soul-subduing, fell your words upon mine ear,
Like low aerial music when some angel hovers near!
What tremulous, faint ecstasy to clasp your hand in mine,
Till the darkness fell upon me of a glory too divine!
The air around grew languid with our intermingled breath,
And in your beauty's shadow I sank motionless as death.
I saw you not, I heard not, for a mist was on my brain--
I only felt that life could give no joy like that again.

And this was Love, I knew it not, but blindly floated on,
And now I'm on the ocean waste, dark, desolate, alone;
The waves are raging round me--I'm reckless where they guide;
No hope is left to right me, no strength to stem the tide.
As a leaf along the torrent, a cloud across the sky,
As dust upon the whirlwind, so my life is drifting by.
The dream that drank the meteor's light--the form from Heav'n has flown--
The vision and the glory, they are passing--they are gone.
Oh! love is frantic agony, and life one throb of pain;
Yet I would bear its darkest woes to dream that dream again.

I found this nice poem while surfing... i think it would mean alot to someone... [hint hint]... yeah... it mean alot to me too ... well see ya..

16/1

Arg... today was sheer exhaution and down right spastic... i think i'll go mad by the time i turn 18... and thats very soon... damn man... econs was spastic as usual but i got to perservere.. i dun want to end up losing my grades because of myself hating a teacher... follow azri's words and be the man you hate.... or in this case woman... i gotta get my stuff down right... i finally got to see her today... man... its a lifting sensation... i hope to experience the feeling again... the rest of the lessons were ok... maths was a little how shall i put it... spastic is the word but i'll manage... P.E. was murder...man... i din know i lost so much of my fitness level... happens when you dun go training and dun exercise... man.. i gotta get back to my original fitness level... i was out of breath and was like heaving myself around... WTH... wheezing is the more appropriate word...

after school rushed down to NTU... the library... a lot of work... but its very difficult cuz we were a little short handed and the library was too big... thanks goes to dhava and dorinda for not showing... applause... we finished at like what 8 o clock... madness... i gotta get rest... and i need a break... two different thing mind you...well other than that i spent 3 hours in total online chatting with "po"... alright... peace out peeps...

hey man

Ever get the feeling of wanting something but not getting it...
thats the feeling i got when i saw you..
its been quite a while since we last met...
i am wondering where have been...
life can be so cruel..
mother nature evil...
but that won't stop me anymore..
i will keep coming from you...

Man life last friday sucked... i din see her and i was busy like the whole day with ntu stuff... yeah lesson were'nt perfect as well... god damn it... i think my econs teacher [unable to disclose name due to government policy] is mad... i have no idea what got into her... it was the second time she sent me out of class.... lets go back to thursday...
[Flash Back]... double period of econs... nearing the end of the period ... she gave us a break... 5 minutes or so she said... so we went to the toilet at the science block then went to the canteen area... then we were walking back to class... she just closed the door on us.. [ us is cole, shu yuen, jai, and myself ]... so alright... it was cool... she gave us our work back and we stood outside eating tid bits and stuff...din matter then cuz we were'nt doing anything illegal...

friday... econs lesson... all of us were in class.. maybe a little slow as its after break.. but i was in class all the way so she should'nt have any complaints... my paper fell to the floor in front of me.. so i went to pick it up...as i was walking back to my seat.. she suddenly shouted saying stop walking so slow... and that she was waiting for me..... what the hell.. i was already at my seat.. i sit in front.. so its bull that i am wasting her time... i retorted saying that the class is waiting for her in an incensed manner and sat down... i could not be bothered with her...pissed.. so ok... i was looking through my notes studying them on my own...then yong jie was asking a question so shu yuen and myself were like explaining to him... she just came up and asked him... WHO IS YOUR ECONS TEACHER??? i was like what the fuck... its wrong to quell your doubts... so it happens that i left my pen on shu yuen's table... so i had to turn again to retreive it while at the same time shu yuen wanted to ask me a word on the board.. she just pointed to us and asked us to get out of class... so we got out... shu yeun was walking towards the canteen... she said to stand outside the class but he din give a shit... so she told me to go after him... i did... but i continued with him towards the canteen... buy some stuff and head back to class...he walked in back to his seat.. the teacher told him not to be defiant... and he threw his pen to the table.. then she said.. you still throw your pen?? then he threw it out the window.. she then told him to get out again... just then the bell rang.. and he told her.. ' now its time for you to get out' though she din hear it... he repeated and she still din hear at which point shu yuen just ignored her... then she left the class... what a BIATCH... the class was trying to calm shu yuen down.. what the hell... what an incident... what a piece of shit... then the rest of the day was pure busy... i din have tim to talk to her... or anyone for that matter... doing ntu/jc... then had a slight break where i went to the den with keong and jacq and we just chatted... that was good... but b4 long i had to go back and finish up...after which i went to bugis to meet bin hong and bridget and we studied again...

so it is in my scientific opinion that the econs teacher is suffering from menopause...or certain form of mental illness with similar symptoms... i think i am going to get shit from jason tomorrow... but what the heck...i dun give a shit... lets see what happens tomorrow...

orientation 4

hello all.. oreintation day four quite literally the best..... i love ma kids man.. they rule... draco was a little sad that they din win but i know they gave their best... you guys will always stay in ma heart guys... draco 5 kids... you guys are the best... i still remember the first day when all of your were quiet... man was i intimidated... but you guys warmed up to me... yeah.. the damn pole dancing... and stuff... haha... will never ever forget that... no sir... haha.. i am definitely glad that you guys changed your views about MI... you won regret your decisions... yeah... and the pidtures... how could you do that to me... i was clean enough without having saop i ma hair yeah.... haha... i will never regret having you guys in ma OG... it has been one of my most happiest times shall i say... even if we have to part always remember that i will always be your OGL and Draco... i will always be your CLAN LEADER.... as stupid as i may be at times i am glad you guys loved orientation... and as you guys said... it was due to the OGL's... well... i really dun know what else to say... i'll be seeing you on monday i guess... yeah... and give the school a shot... you never know where it will take you... DRACO... YOU GUYS ROCK MA SHORTS

orientation

well.... for the past three days of orientation... i screwed up like shit la... i dunno what the hell i am doing... i dun have many people to talk to... well manan sez we can talk to him... but i feel a little intimidated by him...i dunno what to do... what to say... i feel like shit... i do hope i can do better tomorrow...i mean... being told that draco lost becuz of me is like a bullet through the heart... i would have rather died there and then than being told in the face that i hade draco lose... haiz... no chance in hell other than tomorrow to redeem myself... i will never ever forget the silence... also... one of me kids... haiz... was a little vulgar.. if it was to me i would not have mind... but it was to a senior... well even though the senior is enthu and happening... it does not give any onr the right to disrespect them... another time i felt like shit... in fact worse than shit... damn it man... i love ma kids..and i do hope there is no repeat of the incident... i could also tell the keong was a little pissed.... well... i will have to agree with taukik that tomorrow will be our best and last day... i really hope i dun screw this one up... i cant afford another mishap if i may put it as such... also the dare part well we wanted to dare a guy to propose to michelle... but... respect was the issue again... well now that i know... i won't do it again... not ever... haiz.. rain stopped like tonnes of our activities... that sucked... i am just feeling f**ked up... also i was told to do some shit about a damn write up which i have no damn clue about.... WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??? IS THAT HARD TO ANSWER CLEARLY DAMN It???? WHAT JUST TELLING ME STEM CELL AND DO A WRITE UP WILL GET ANYTHING DONE??? WHO AM I??? SUPERMAN??? FLASH??? I DUN HAVE A DAMN CLUE!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!! DUN DUMP STUFF TO ME WITHOUT TELLING ME ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!! ITS JUST PLAIN IRRESPONSIBLE!!!!! ARG!!!!!!!!!!! MY LIFE IS SHIT!!!!!!!

rant over....

well i still go stuff to say but i will keep it for tomorrow... well see ya peepz...

Orientation tomorrow

well... tomorrow is orientation.. Best of luck to all of us... i do hope i dun screw up or anything cuz that would like suck so bad... i mean... its like 1000 ++ peeps... screwin up would lead to major dissing.. so this warnin goes out to all... i do hope i get a decent number of peeps who will turn up... i mean.. no point having like 10 peeps in the og... it would not matter... now unto other matters... i would like to thank Daryl for the daryl awards.... apparently i won the best male category... i would like to thank... Blah Blah Yaduh yaduh.. daryl and so on and so worth... apparently i won due to my charisma, grades in school and for my love of gundams... haha... i din know they were a criteria... so everyone... never dismiss a liking of something... you never know where it might lead you yeah..
Anyhow... most of my "kids" as the seniors put them, are nice.. actually they sound nice on the phone... i have no idea how they will be in person...i am also kinda dreading the fact that as a caln leader i gotta face like 150 peeps... that is just sheer mind boggleing... its different when your on stage as you dun expect a response... here you gotta get response and ideasout of them... WITHOUT instigating a riot...its gonna be one helluva challenge...Oh yeah.. our So called introduction is complete... i am gonna be moronic as usual... and gonna be feeling pretty stupid by the end of it all... No kick i should say.. i do this everyday... so i guess i got no problem making a fool out of myself... My partner in crime this time is LEONG... what a pair... well i will have to report how the forst da went anyhow... also gotta practice our dance... This is gonna be hilarious.. one minute i am a rocker... the next a bomb... you'll know what i mean when you have seen the dance... Kian Siong did a great job with the song... so we are all set... any how more on this tomorrow... till then nights...